


Two Ghosts

by ramennuudles



Series: You bring me home [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, POV Steve Rogers, Parties, Post-Break Up, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Messed Up, bad communication skills, inspired by a song, lingering feelings, missed opportunites, stream harry styles for clear skin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23168410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramennuudles/pseuds/ramennuudles
Summary: Steve still finds himself watching Bucky. His hair was longer than it was 2 months ago but it looked, dull. The blonde pauses mid sip. The more he studies Bucky's face, the more his heart pangs for his ex. His normally bright smile is replaced by a downturned pout and his skin seems to be missing his natural glow. His hair is flat, not large and fluffy as Steve remembered it being. He tries to look away but his guilt keeps his eyes glued to Bucky. The thought keeps bouncing around his head. You had a hand in this. Steve feels like he just broke his own heart again.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: You bring me home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665415
Kudos: 28





	Two Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> hi, I'm ramen. so I plan to make this a two part fic (I might even make it a series dunno yet) where one event is being told by Steve and Bucky separately, really accentuating their thoughts and feelings. either can be read first, I just happened to write Steve's POV first. it's more of a practice for me if were being honest but yeah, here it is. yes the title is a harry styles song, all of these fics will have harry styles songs as titles. I dont make the rules. (yes I do)

Steve knew he shouldn't of come tonight. God he should of just listened to the little voice in the back of his head pleading with him not to go to this party Natasha invited him to. She's always finding ways to mettle in his life, this invitation should of been no different. But he still went and now he's having an awful time. The blonde nurses a lukewarm bottle of beer as he leans against the kitchen arch way, his month cemented into a permeant scowl. He'll never forgive Natasha for this. Steve knows she's trying but he has made it very clear to her he doesn't want her to try. He searches the sea of people for Natasha's brightly colored hair only to find her next to Steve's very problem. A small beautiful brunette man with sharp blue eyes and a bright smile. But he doesn't seem to be smiling either, Steve's pretty sure he knows why. 

Bucky Barnes, quite possibly one of the most stunning men to ever walk the earth, and the man Steve used to wake up to in the morning. Early morning sun falling on to Bucky, illuminating his features. Someone that seemed to once share a heartbeat with Steve. But neither of them are who they used to be. Steve used to be an optimist, seeing the light in everything and everyone but, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. His light is gone, because of his own stupidity. Sometimes he tries to pretend he doesn't know where he went wrong, but lord knows Steve knows exactly what he did wrong. It's all he can think about when he lies in bed alone at night, remising on a time where another body occupied his bed. It takes every bone in Steve's body not to toss his beer in the bin and book it out of the party but it's only been 15 minuets, he promised himself he'd give it 25 before he left. He takes a sip of his beer hoping that drinking might help time pass quicker.

Steve still finds himself watching Bucky. His hair was longer than it was 2 months ago but it looked, dull. The blonde pauses mid sip. The more he studies Bucky's face, the more his heart pangs for his ex. His normally bright smile is replaced by a downturned pout and his skin seems to be missing his natural glow. His hair is flat, not large and fluffy as Steve remembered it being. He tries to look away but his guilt keeps his eyes glued to Bucky. The thought keeps bouncing around his head. _You had a hand in this._ Steve feels like he just broke his own heart again. 

17 minutes, that's how long he had been there. Most of that was him thinking about the man he loves, or loved. Steve feels like he gives himself a migraine anytime he thinks about it. Loving his ex, should he? Steve was the one who called it off, he shouldn't still have feelings for Bucky. But he does, and they burn in Steve's head. When he told Natasha that him and Bucky had broken up, he tried to explain to her his reasoning. _"I didn't have time for him" "he deserves someone better"_ and she wasn't having it. Her words sit uncomfortably in Steve's mind. _"If you really loved him, you would of tried to make time for him. You would of tried to be that better person"_ Does that mean Steve, doesn't still love Bucky? He feels the migraine start to form.

Another sip of beer should fix it. Steve glances at his phone. 19 minutes since he arrived. Can't he just go home and break his own little rule? It doesn't mean anything to anyone else. Not even Natasha. Since she basically threw a wrench into his life, she would excuse him leaving early but something keeps him glued to the arch way. Maybe it's that this spot tells people he doesn't want to be talked to and if he leaves said spot, it's an invitation to strike up a conversation. He's only had to speak to 2 people since he got here, Natasha since she would never let him get away with not saying hello to her and Clint, who opened the front door for him. He could make it 3 people, he could apologize for his mistakes. As many as there were, he would apologize for each one. But he didn't, he stayed put in his little corner. 23 minutes. 2 minutes before he could leave. 

The beer in his hand nearly empty, but not quite finished. He would feel bad throwing it away, since there was still some left. Both time and alcohol. Steve wanted to leave without Bucky on his mind, but his eyes still drifted towards the group he was talking too. Steve recognized some of them, many of them being both Steve and Bucky's mutual friends. They all say they support Steve's decision but theres always an underlining feeling of _You made a mistake_ and Steve might of. But no one ever says anything, Natasha never verbally anyways. He doesn't miss when she leaves her phone on and her lock screen is a picture of Bucky and Steve together. Or when she leaves a jacket that is definitely Bucky's on his couch that he just hangs up on what used to be Bucky's side of Steve's closet. Her actions are pushy but Steve isn't moving. He can't tell if its for his sake or for Bucky's. 

24 minutes. Steve watches Bucky as he forces a laugh at what Steve is presuming a joke. Steve can tell its forced since he knows Bucky's body like he knows the back of his hand. He used to know Bucky like that but, he tries to never think about the brunette like that. It feels too personal for Steve to do that. He hadn't even spoken to Bucky since they broke up, even when Natasha prompts him. Claiming that Bucky still loves him, regardless of Steve's actions. The Bucky knew that Steve loved him even if he didn't make much time for him. Steve could go speak to him, hug him, kiss him. Let him know that he's going to do better than he had the first time, make more time for Bucky. Worked on himself, make himself the best version he could be. To love him right and fair. But he doesn't 

He was done. 25 minutes, Steve finished the last of his beer and tosses it out. He gives one last look at Bucky to find no longer sharp blue eyes staring back at his own, but sad, dull cloudy ones. Steve doesn't apologize, doesn't tell him that he still loves him or that is going to better himself. Steve doesn't do any of that, he pockets his phone and walks out the door, without even glancing back. _It will be better for him._

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is bittersweet? well this is my definition of a bittersweet ending. hope you enjoyed and look out for the "second" part of this from Bucky's perspective. thanks byeee


End file.
